Monday, January 21, 2008


The winner of the competition was Des who texted in with this classic:

A friend came home very late one night and drunk.had no key to get in and didnt want to wake the wife so went to a mates house a hundred yards down the road to borrow his ladder.went back got in the window came out the door closed the door took the ladder back and went home again and realised he was still locked out.what a clown.Des.

Here are some of the best of the rest:

My brother was parking his moped in stephens green years ago. He spotted sum scumbags so he said im gonna make sure these see me locking this. Then ten mins later one of the so called scumbags went into the shop he worked in and said "here u left ur keys in ur bike"!! He was 2 busy looking at them he left d keys n the bike!

My sister was checking time of ferry got throug to speaking options and it said if you want to check times of ferry stay silent . She rang 6 times so annoyed saying silent. Same girl up north in a clothes shop assistant asked her if she'd like to apply for a loyality card she said no thanks i'm from ireland . So embarrassed for her.

I have female rottweiler an went to visit some friends who have a male rotti. Needless to say the male was gettin very excited an it got messy but my dog was havin none of it. My friend turned around an said 'i didn't know that's what happened!' to which her boyfriend said to her ' no wonder you got pregnant! Brian in navan

Lads i was walking home at about 3 in the morning i live in saggart and the road i live on is one of these old country roads half way down it i saw this shadow on the road that looked like a man holding a rope further down the road so i began having a conversation begging this man not to hurt me telling him that me da was on the way to collect me until finally i told him to get it over with and started walking down the road and discovered that i was bargaining with a tree for the last 30mins thank god no one was there

A mate of mine has a season ticket4 old trafford.the2 seats nxt to him wer always empty.until d jan.he got talkn to d couple,n turnd out hs bday was in jan n his wife got him a season ticket.she bought it in aug r sept but didnt gve it til his bday.ger.

My best friend had her car stolen so she went to garda station when asked for a description she said it had three teddies in back window.she found her car the next day. She'd parked it on a parallel street! We call her phoebes after friends as She's very stupid!

My girlfriend was stoped by the police at a check point driving a car she was giving by a garage when they were fixing her car and was asked to produce her insurance at the station she did but was called to appear in court she had insurance to drive the car but when she was called to the dock she said she was guilty when i asked why she said everyone was saying it and she got a 250 euro fine price less

Got a fake note to get a half day from school but my mate wrote a joke one and real note. The one i handed up asked could i be excused from school today as i've to attend a weight watchers class dvve to my weight. The teacher laughed and told me to go home. Shane dundrum

Was on fraser island in australia recently and there was a young couple from london in our group. She turns to him amidst a conversation regarding the different nationalities we were accompanied by and said "babe, have we got a national anthem". Realising our shocked faces he replied "i can't even get you out of this one!"

When i was in school i woke up 1 morning thinking it was a weekday i got changed into my uniform and went to the bus stop.when i tried to pay a schools fare 30p.he told me it was a sunday.the embarrasment.everyone staring and laughing at me.darragh jervis st

The lads i lived with robbed a chemists photo develop sign when they were drunk. Then we had a house party. I took lots of photos at party. But i left film in to chemists to be developed. They called to house looking for their sign back as the sign was in most the photos. We denied having it. But returned it next night. Stupid or what

When on hols in cyprus went shopping in small town cn gr8 clothes all hanging went 2 brouse no english eventually discoverd it was a laundry anx

Dear niamh and jim sent a work e-mail last week the person kept saying he did not get it. It was only 2 days la ter i discovered i had put www. In front of the mail address. How stupid did i feel.

I came home one nite a few jars on me on going 2 bed i noticed a container on d bed side tabie which looked like cig buts in a little warter i through them in d toilet realising they were my wifes false teeth